#i hate my stupid brain i hate it i hate it

[xjcjuis]

JUST TOO MUCH

pairing: billie eilish x fem!reader

synopsis: n/a, requested

warnings: one swear word, comfort fluff, menstruation, mentions in passing of v*mit, not proofread

wordcount: 0.8k

a/n: n/a

if the day hadn't started out shitty enough already, you were in for a horrible ride.

you were lying on your side, head propped up on the armrest of the couch and basically snapping your neck in search of a position comfortable enough to soothe the growing pain in your uterus. your hands press down on a point just below your stomach but it does little to alleviate your discomfort.

you feel like you're about to be sick: there's a headache tingling in the very back of your brain; your throat had closed up in preparation for possible sick; and your body was simply too heavy to move around.

billie sits at your feet on the couch, scrolling through her phone and periodically checking on you every time you let out a groan, which, really, was every two minutes. "you okay, love?" her brows knit in concern when you shift to the other side and curl into a ball. "that bad?"

you nod, however it wasn't visible to her due to you being buried deep beneath a blanket. "i want to stop existing completely."

she laughs softly at that, "well, now. that's a little dramatic of you, isn't it?"

you know she didn't mean anything by it. it's obvious from her light-hearted tone, and the bright smile on her face as she reaches out to softly caress your leg, but your eyes prickle with tears anyway.

for whatever reason your mind had subconsciously decided to take the statement personally, and hot tears roll down your cheeks. and then you were angry for crying over a simple, stupid joke. and then you were annoyed at billie for saying it in the first place, followed by resentment towards yourself for feeling negatively towards your girlfriend over something as small as a joke.

eventually it evolves into a carousel of emotions, each one negative and directed at everything and everyone and yourself. the smile slowly slips off of billie's face, noticing the deafening silence that came after she opened her mouth.

"baby?" no reply, just a quiet sniffle. "are you okay? does it hurt?"

you continue to ignore her, screwing your eyes shut and then blinking them rapidly in an attempt to stop the tears uselessly running down your face. now you were annoyed at that too — adding to the discomfort in your lower region, the side of your face was wet from the pool of tears you'd shed on the seat cushion.

your girlfriend, worried now, stands up, moving closer to gently peel away the blanket from your face and catching a glimpse of your reddened eyes and nose before you yanked the cloth back over you.

"oh, honey, no," she cringes at herself. billie drops to her knees on the floor to be on level with you. "is it what i said? i'm sorry, baby, i forgot how you get."

whoops. she should've phrased that differently. you whine in irritation at her words, causing her to take them back quicker than she'd mindlessly let them go.

"no, that's not what i meant!" billie adds hastily. "everyone's a little down when they're on their cycle and i totally understand. i'm sorry, my love, please forgive me?"

you're turned away from her, but you could hear the pout in her voice. you knew she was beating herself up for her fumble in her head, and you hated that, but even though the more intense of the negative emotions had gone away, you weren't quite ready to be all touchy and lovey-dovey.

oh, but how quickly you retract that thought when you feel a soft pair of lips pressing onto your temple. a softer hand snakes beneath your blanket to stroke your arm, up and down, rhythmically.

she repeats this pattern for a while.

up stroke. down stroke. kiss. up stroke. down stroke. double kiss.

"you wanna move to the bedroom?" she finally whispers. "my knees are about to be bruised, sweet girl. i want to cuddle you."

you huff, rejecting her, but you couldn't resist her soothing actions and silky words any longer. "fine." your voice is small, trying hard to sound disinterested, but billie's face brightens in triumph. she hooks an arm under your knees and carries you bridal-style to your shared room.

she lays you down gently, ridding herself of her slippers and getting comfortable beside you. billie wraps her arm around your waist, providing the extra you need. she pushes herself up to lean over and kiss you shortly on the lips and once more on your forehead before laying back down and cuddling you properly.

"i love you." she mutters in your ear, kissing the space behind your ear.

"mmhmm," you murmur back, words slurring as sleep turns your lids heavy. "love you too..."

as you're set free from the torture of cramps and the ache, billie stands guard, ready to comfort you if need be. and ready to run faster than a track athlete if you ever had any cravings.

[cosmiclily]

.ᐟ track two: just doin’ to waste more time on the couch

wc: 1.7k

Today was like every other Friday night. I had just gotten back from my evening class, exhausted, and as I walked into our apartment, the familiar sight of Vi greeted me. She was sprawled on the couch, her arms draped casually over the back, looking entirely too comfortable.

“Thought you’d be out by now,” I said, locking the door behind me and slipping off my shoes. “Didn’t you have a party or something?”

“Trying to get rid of me already?” she teased, stretching her arms above her head before sitting up straight, her eyes flickering back to her phone. “I was supposed to go to some girl’s house, but she canceled. Something about her parents being in town.”

“Who is the unfortunate soul of the week?” I ask lightly, masking the bitterness that threatened to creep into my voice. Like I wanted to know her latest fling, like knowing who she was fucking didn’t make me want throw myself off our balcony.

“Just some girl from one of my classes,” she said with a shrug. “She’s in a sorority. Was trying to get us into one of their parties.”

“Don’t use me as an excuse for your hookups,” I shot back as I headed into the kitchen. “You know I hate parties.” I opened the fridge, looking for something quick and easy to make. Today’s lecture had been brutal—our ancient professor talking on and on about the anatomy of the human brain in a voice so soft and slow it could have put a hyperactive toddler to sleep. “Do you want anything specific for dinner? I’m starving and just survived a lecture from hell.”

“I’m not using you as an excuse for my hookups,” Vi said, leaning her elbows on the counter, her grin wide and infuriating. “I just think you should live a little, you know? What are your college years for if not to get drunk and regret it later?”

I raised an eyebrow at her, unimpressed. “You seriously think that’s a good argument?”

She laughed, the sound warm and effortless. “I’m just saying. You’re too uptight sometimes.” Her eyes softened a little. “But hey, if you’re tired, how about I cook?”

I blinked. “You? Cook? The person who once burnt noodles?”

Vi put a hand to her chest, feigning offense. “Hey! That was only one time! You have no faith in me.”

“None,” I deadpanned, though my lips quirked up in a small smile.

“Well, fine,” she said, crossing her arms and leaning back against the counter. Her white tank top drawing attention to her toned biceps, and I could see the faint outline of her nipple piercings through the fabric. My stomach twisted in a way that had nothing to do with hunger. God, I hated her so much.

“How about this?” she said, snapping me out of my thoughts. “We order pizza. That way, no one has to suffer my cooking or your exhaustion.”

“Pizza sounds good,” I agreed.

Vi grabbed her phone and started scrolling. “Pepperoni and extra cheese, right? Or do you want to try something new?”

I glanced at her, my heart doing that stupid thing where it skipped a beat when she smiled. “Pepperoni’s fine” I said, my voice steadier than I felt.

She placed the order, and as she leaned back against the counter again, I caught her watching me out of the corner of her eye. “You’re really not gonna come to a party with me, huh?”

I shook my head, smirking. “Probably not.”

Vi sighed dramatically. “One day, I’ll drag you out of this apartment and into the real world. Just you wait.”

“Good luck with that,” I said, rolling my eyes, though deep down, a small part of me wished I could be the person she thought I should be—the person who wasn’t terrified of being too close to her, of losing what little I had.

After the pizza arrived, we settled onto the couch and started watching a movie. As we ate, I couldn’t help but think about our sleepovers when we were younger. My mom would make popcorn and order pizza, and we’d wait for her to fall asleep so we could watch horror movies behind her back. We’d stay up until sunrise, too scared to sleep, even though Violet would never admit she was scared. She’d always say, “Don’t worry, I’ll protect you if the demon from the movie comes after us,” as if her words could somehow make us invincible.

I smiled at the thought, the memory of us together on the couch, our eyes wide with fear but not daring to show it. Things had changed since then, but in some ways, they hadn’t. It was comforting, like we were still those two kids who shared everything.

Vi’s voice interrupted my thoughts. “I know you just said you wouldn’t go to a party with me, but there’s one tomorrow, and since you don’t like going out with me cause I “always leave you alone”, I invited Jinx and Ekko. I figured I’d make it a group thing. Besides, They can keep you company if you’re too miserable to have fun.”

I didn’t exactly hate going out with her. It wasn’t that. It was just... well, the thought of her hooking up with someone at a party, the thought of her being all over someone else while I watched from the sidelines, made my stomach turn. I knew she didn’t owe me anything, that she was free to do whatever she wanted, but that didn’t mean I had to subject myself to watching it. I’d rather avoid the heartache if I could.

I took a slow breath as i picked the crust from the discarded pizza box and said, “I don’t know, Vi. You know how I feel about those things.”

Vi rolled her eyes, clearly trying to be playful, but I could tell there was a hint of concern behind her teasing. “You act like I’m going to drag you into some wild hookup situation. It’s just a party. Come on, you need to have a little fun.”

I hesitated, the conflict swirling inside me. I didn’t want to go and watch her with someone else, but I didn’t want to say no either, not to her. Not when she was asking.

“I’ll think about it,” I finally said, hoping it was enough of an answer to let her drop the subject for the night.

She looked at me, her blue eyes flickering with something I couldn’t quite place. “Fine, but you owe me.”

I laughed, but it felt a little hollow. “Yeah, sure. I’ll owe you one.”

As we settled in to watch one last movie, my mind kept drifting to the same thought over and over: how I was letting my feelings get in the way of living my life. I never regretted meeting Violet or becoming her friend, but I did regret being stupid enough to catch feelings for the only friend I had. Stupid enough to let those feelings dictate my actions, my choices, my entire life. The truth was, I was angry at myself. I’d never been a party girl or a social butterfly, and the idea of getting drunk and accidentally confessing my feelings to Vi—or doing something even worse—made my chest tighten with panic.

I glanced over at her, and for a moment, the weight of everything seemed to fade. She had drifted to sleep, her head resting against the armrest, her lips parted just slightly. I couldn’t help but observe her, taking in every little detail: the freckles scattered across the bridge of her nose, how they dotted her cheeks, the long lashes framing her closed eyes, the scar on her lip. I thought about how much I wanted to trace it with my finger, to just touch her and see if that would make the feelings go away. She looked so peaceful and delicate, the complete opposite of what she showed on a daily bases. It felt almost criminal how beautiful she was.

I shook my head at myself, letting out a quiet sigh. What is wrong with you?

I nudged her shoulder lightly. “Vi, wake up. You need to go to your bed,” I whispered, trying not to disturb her too much.

She groaned, her brows knitting together, the sleepiness evident on her face. “No, wanna sleep here…” she mumbled, tugging at my sleeve like a child reluctant to leave the warmth of comfort.

I sighed, trying to hold back a smile at how cute she looked. “You’ll have a backache tomorrow if you keep sleeping like that” I said softly.

“Worth it” she muttered, settling deeper into her position, clearly not planning on getting up anytime soon.

I couldn’t help but laugh under my breath, watching her stubbornly try to get more comfortable. Part of me just wanted to let her stay there, to keep her close, but I knew she needed to sleep properly if she wanted to avoid a sore back the next day.

“Come on, Vi,” I said gently, nudging her again. “If you go to sleep in your own bed, I’ll go to that party with you.”

That seemed to catch her attention. She opened one eye, peeking at me with suspicion. “Are you serious?” she asked, her voice still thick with sleep.

I nodded reluctantly, unsure if I was making the right choice. She sat up slowly and raised her pinky toward me —just like we used to do when we were kids.

“Pinky promise?” she asked suspiciously.

“Yes, pinky promise,” I replied, matching the smile that had formed on her face as I interlocked our pinkies together.

“Okay, now I will go to sleep,” she said with a satisfied grin, as if she had won a battle, before stumbling off toward her room.

I watched her go, feeling a strange mix of relief and discomfort. I had agreed to go to the party with her, but now that it was settled, I couldn’t shake the feeling in the pit of my stomach.

As I took my shower and settled into bed for the night, my mind wouldn’t stop racing. I lay there, staring at the ceiling, thinking about everything. “What am I doing with my life?” I asked myself, the question echoing in my head, unanswered.

Maybe going to the party wouldn’t be such a big deal. Maybe it would give me a chance to breathe, to live a little outside the confines of my own thoughts. But deep down, I knew it wasn’t that simple. It never was when it came to Vi.

──────────────────────

album - track one - track three

notes: i’ll probably take a while to update bc i only had these two chapters ready, but i’ll try my best to not take too long lol

what are your thoughts so far? do you think something will happen at the party? 🥸

[thehelltingvilleclub]

Helltingville Epilogues

Want some old men? have old men and the lonely rat bastard Captain Dickey.

From left to right:

Jerry - Mandi - Cherri (Left) - William "Buck" Titus (Right) - Bill - May - Pete - Jane - Amari (Matt's younger sister) - Josh - Matt

dude this took me too long

but man do I love all of em

Jerry and Mandi don't end up together permanently-- but they do have their kids together. I genuinely imagine Jerry ends up like Scout TF2 style as a single dad to like 4 kids but he loves them all equally and gives them all the attention he can.

And when he can't handle them all, he'll just drag Bill over and make him deal with them.

Yes, in Helltingville the gang stick together.. kind of. Like old friends that happen to live nearby-- they meet up occasionally, they keep tabs on each other online, they might even have a christmas party together, but they definitely are not hanging out regularly like they did as kids.

Jerry and May's anxiety can't take it, Josh's heart can't take it, and Bill can't take the guilt of knowing that, so its sparingly, but they'll keep in touch.

During the heavy confrontation after Comicon and after, Bill kinda.. hit rock bottom? Like if he hit rock bottom as a teenager then he hit the bottom of satan's fucking boot. Getting reemed out by Matt, disgusting looks from everyone and even his sister, seeing everyone so happy without him--

he struggles with that, and he hates it. He gets so unbelievably angry with himself for being both equally stupid and selfish. He shouldn't be upset about this! They're just stupid fake fans that don't understand him, right? then why the hell is he three bottles in and he still feels like shit?

Jerry and May keep tabs on Bill the most, checking on him and forcing him into therapy. Jerry uses him as a free babysitter, May enjoys the company when she isn't on set with Pete, and Bill isn't passed out drunk in his mom's basement.

Jane and Amari were enemies in high school, they actually hated each others GUTS. Amari was captain of the cheerleading team and Jane had her punk girl gang. And yet, in college, they managed to get together and put aside their differences. (Plus, Amari has the same infatuation problem as Matt... and her type is scrawny women that could stab a bitch, apparently).

Matt does develop a bit.. of an alcohol issue. He's so stressed from work, worried about Josh and his health, BILL being ALIVE, Bill being NEAR HIM, Bill staring at his SISTER bro his liver is crying.

Josh.. kind of knows. He can tell that Matt drinks at dinner and maybe a sip or two before bed, but He doesn't want to step out of line and make Matt upset. The last thing he wants is to upset his fiance and get yelled at again for being useless. He doesn't need to go down memory lane.

Cherri develops a vocal stim similar to Jerry, and struggles to talk otherwise and is usually hiding behind him whenever they aren't in their room. Buck, on the other hand, will not stop asking questions or shut the fuck up. this kid has enough energy to power the sun and his brain never turns off. Sorry Bill, you're gonna have to explain the entire Star Trek lore because you mentioned Star Logs and did the Vulcan Salute and now he demands to know what that is.

May works with Pete on occasion, mostly on a commission basis from Butchie. She helps make props and walks new actresses through the ropes and makes sure they're safe on set. Pete is just happy his woman's with him and you BET he brags "guys look at my girlfriend god I love her--"

And yes, they're looking to name their kiddo Sidney, but it's still a toss up. Bill says the name sounds dumb but won't help May pick any new ones to add to the list, so his opinion can get stuck in a meatgrinder.

Guys i have too much to say about them.

[mavcancees]

thank you for answering, your explanation really helped me settle my nerves. i completely forgot that twitter support doesn’t equal support on YouTube and forgot to even factor in the support from the new hispanic/spanish speaking dream has come to be friends with.

again, thank you so much!

the average twitter user is afraid of a 3 sentence paragraph, it is your moral duty to reject that kind of person and anything they say. because if you listen to the advice of that kind of person, all you do is become them. and why would you ever want to be like them

tommys "expose" video is 5 minutes long, he was at the verge of putting a split screen with subway surfers going to keep those tiktok attention span brains that watch him focused. whatever he's blabbering about has no place on commentary youtube. he will get cooked

and that's not to mention hispanic ccs that will straight up would have told him to *** back in 2020 on that twitter dms screenshot. no "are we still friends" just straight up kys never talk to me again + slur + blocked. obviously they're going to defend dream like serpias did earlier

tommy lives in a niche 300k ish dream neg circle on english speaking twitter dot com. that's it. he doesn't have pull on youtube, and the hispanic community hates him just for being annoying. the rest of the world can see how stupid all he's saying is. we as a collective need to stop asking that 300k ppl to be reasonable, they will never be, we have to move on

[thatbitchery]

MANIFESTING 102; IF YOU JUST ACTUALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT A LITTLE

Today I feel like playing teacher (Avoiding my responsibilities) so lets do this. I alr talked about manifesting and the masculine X feminine and today I want you to see its actually really simple if you just think for yourself instead of mindlessly consuming content and acting like you're stupid or something. like, debunking some myths that you could easily debunk yourself if you just actually thought about this stuff a little :). But I have to do everything in this house I guess

Here is the theory we are running on- You are the universe in a human body in the universe. We all know the Big Bang and how the Universe decided to split itself to create a mirror to define itself bla bla bla you've been in LOA spaces for long enough I'm not re-explaining this. Basically- You are the universe that chose to experience life in YOUR human body. It's a mirror we know this bla bla moving on.

one- The universe does not respond to who you are it responds to what you want. Wanting is not 'lack mindset' its human nature. You are the universe that chose to experience human life, so you are also bound by human nature do you see how that works? Human beings are pretty much the only animals with desire the rest just survive. we want so we make and now we have the Burj Khalifa and Tesla Robots. And that's what the universe respond to- desire. It's like your dad. You say dad this is what I want he says Okay. You don't act like you already have it and then he gives it to you. Matter of fact he won't bc you already have it. It responds to what you WANT not what you ARE. wanting is not 'lack mindset' it's human nature. Again, y'all are committed to demonizing and hating yourself its kinda funny to watch. In a bad way. Don't act like you have it. Act like you want it because you do???? Closed mouths don't get fed? No idc what the vibration people said. Again stop mindlessly consuming content think about it. You're not dumb.

Two- Visualization as in vision boards- yay. Do that stuff. I love that stuff. Visualization as in closing your eyes and experiencing it- PLEASE STAWPPP that sheeet. Listen if you could visualize things into existence maladaptive daydreamers and three quarters of the people in psych wards would run this planet have you thought of that? Because you are not visualizing harder than someone with literal hallucinations. Thats peak visualization that's peak be in the moment feel the feelings 3D doesn't matter if you have it in the 6788D bla bla. And the most annoying part of the visualization people is that ITS RIGHT THERE> Feeling in the moment. Experiencing it. The brain doesn't know the difference between real and imagination. Excellent you are on to something there. Now let's rev back up to the REASON we exist. TO EXPERIENCE life. Why tf would a universe obsessed with new experiences let you experience the same thing twice. And you're right there is no difference if you imagined it or it happened. So you have already experienced that. Moving on to the next chapter closed. No think about it, have you EVER experienced the same thing twice exactly the same way????EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR????? Just think about it.

Three : the 3d doesnt matter what matters is in this astral plane 6788789 light years away in the 688790d you have all your desires- shut up no you don't. The 3D is all you got. This reality is all you will get as long as you are in this body at this moment in this time space reality. I don't usually condemn escapism that hard life sucks so yeah go watch a movie and distract yourself for a while but this is called mental illness and nope slapping cute universy words on it doesn't make it go away. YOUARE SUPPOSED TO EXPERIENCE THE 3D that's why you're here. Just say you hate yourself and show up to a psych ward. There is no secret universe out there this is the one. IF the 3d didn't matter why are you in it. Just think. The 3D IS all that matters actually. This is the most powerful plane you know this. This is the ONLY ONE where you get free will. This is the only one where YOUR DESIRES MATTER. In those other planes you wanna be on so much, you don't even exist as an individual.

Four: The rules of reality don't matter- no ma they do. And you are bound by them. And no you are not special. NO you can't pull a mermaid with wings and fangs from thin air because in this reality that can not happen. You are supposed to EXPERIENCE this reality. You are bound by the laws of time and space and human nature and your country btw and you can't manifest your way out of this. You are GOD as in you have stake in creation not you are God as in you're superior. And honestly, do you even want that? Do you really want to live in a universe with no binding laws? Do you really want people to be able to pull whatever they want from thin air? Have you ever left your bedroom ever? Have you ever seen the light of day, is what I'm asking. You came to live as a human being in THIS time space reality if you don't like it maybe don't choose to come back. And no you can't change the color of your eyes and height and waist size by imagining- ma. You're delusional. You are supposed to experience your life in that body. If you don't like it try plastic surgery. None of us think you have blue eyes just because you tell yourself you do, We will put you in a ward.

Five: You can not 'manifest' a specific animal, especially human. People have free will. Dogs have free will. Animals have free will and if they don't want you it doesn't matter how many time you write I AM MARRIED TO HYUNJIN in red and burn sage and annotate with grobovoi numbers if he doesn't want you back it's not happening. You didn't manifest your ex back he tried with other girls got tired, remembered your desperate easy ass exits and came back for more and he WILL do you worse mark my words. If you are being honest with yourself you like the LOA and manifesting and I and I AM GOD because it makes you feel superior, but then we all are GOD. Unfortunately, no you are not. No you can not force your will over another's and now THAT is lack mindset and honestly so embarrassing me personally I would rather eat glass that chase that hard. And again, do you want to live in a universe where if someone wants you they can just- manifest you? Or do you just want to be the only one with that privilege you selfish prick? If yes, have you ever touched grass?

[twst-hottest-takes]

i hate the twst fandom. i hate them. especially in twitter. all the same old 30 year old hags who still plays the game (which is not for them).

I hate them with their stupid internalize misogyny.

i dont even think its internalized. Because why do you keep hating in the the anime just cuz the yuu is gonna be a girl?

This also goes to the other people in the twst fandom. I despise how they always have a reason to hate on female yuus. (Ocs or canon.)

The japanese side hated and criticized yuuka so much because she was a girl in an all boy school.

Did you not read the story? It literally said yuu was inserted (or some sht) in twisted wonderland against theyre own will, they did not choose to be there.

Also, they keep excusing why yuuka is in nrc cuz its an all boy school, as if crowley's doing anything to help her.

Also, if yuuka DID go out of nrc, where would she go? Outside of rsa, where would she go? She doesn't know where she is.

I hate the japanese fandom too. I hate them more. I hate their yaoi-infested brain. Literally, get a life.

I also hate how aniplex or disney japan keeps promoting twst has a gender neutral mc, yet the canon mcs are always close, if not, to a boy. (exclude yuuka).

Hate is an understatement.

I hate how this fandom normalizes the misogyny. I hate how they dont bat an eye to its misogynistic yaoi infested mindset 'fans'. But they always bat an eye to people who likes the first years. Always yelling in your ear "Theyre minors you cant simp for them!!!🥺🥺!! Go to the teachers or 3rd years instead!!🥺"

Is that all they care about? They only care about the people who likes the first or second years, and the 'problem' isnt that serious too. Its not like im 54 years old. I can go say 'Jack is so hot.' whenever i can cuz im a minor too. Did the twst fandom forget the other half of this fandom are teenagers or minors too? Did the twst fandom forget that teenagers have this called hormones cuz this is the start of their puberty? Hormones can happen to anyone. So idc if i sound problematic, im gonna go sexualize the first and second years all i want because i have free will.

Twt twst players really said "lets keep this fandom clean and comfortable." As if this fandom was already clean and comfortable to begin with, lmfao.

This is a confession blog now too apparently.

This is another one that could have a long response to every part of the given take, but you know what? I'm not going to.

Go off, you vitriolic teenager. May you one day look back on this and reminisce with nostalgia.

The comments and reblogs will be going off as well I'm sure. Have fun, everyone.

Thank you for your take.

(Y'all can ask for my full response to this later if you want but for now, like. Not worth thr effort.)

[ihrthoney]

i have a fic in the works but i’m way too lazy to finish it so hcs it is! thanos aka choi su-bong from squid game brain rot!

thanos who fell in love with a girl he saw at the club, he tried to brag about his fame and musical talent but was left baffled when you didn’t know who he was.

he was new to the fame so his ego was at an all time high until you said those words. his eyes stupidly wide as he blinks and looks around, almost like a fish out of water.

his dumb expression makes you laugh and he snaps back into it at the sound.

you’re sitting in the chair at the bar, he leans on the counter, cocky smirk back on his face, “do you wanna know who i am?”

“if it involves a group of girls constantly following you around, then pass.” you say, tilting your head at the giggle fit in the corner, eyes staring at the man in front of you.

usually he would love the attention but right now his eyes are on the prize.

he holds his hand out, “cmon,”

your eyes are wary, he is a stranger at a club.

“i wanna get to know you, pretty lady.” his hand is out towards you,

“flattery won’t get you in my pants.”

he exaggeratedly sighs, “you wound me princess, just follow me.”

your danger bells aren’t ringing in your head so you give in and take his warm hand in yours and he pulls you away from the noise towards the back into a private room.

he leads you to the bigger and more comfier seat and sits across of you in a chair, a glass table the only thing between you.

“what’s a pretty lady like you doing all alone in the club?” you don’t miss his eyes scanning you up and down,

“it’s a friday night, i don’t have work tomorrow and my friend just got broken up with.”

“and you?”

“what about me?”

“do you have someone?” you roll your eyes, “i wouldn’t have followed you if i did, stupid.”

“ouch! i compliment you and you call me stupid?” he said again with an exaggerated tone.

you stifle a laugh behind your hand, hating how funny this idiot was.

“what’s your name?” you ask,

“thanos, the great.”

“wrong.” a confused look pinches his face,

“what’s your real name.”

“i’ll tell you if you let me take you on a date.”

“that’s quite a trade. what if the date is shit and all i get is some rando’s name?”

“if you weren’t so pretty i probably would’ve kicked you out already.”

that’s fair you thought, “fine. but you’re paying.”

“as if a man like me would ever let a fine woman pay.”

“you got the date you can stop the flattery.” you pretend to shoo him away, leaning back into the couch,

“it’s not just flattery if it’s true.”

you look away to hide the dumb blush on your face, the sincerity in his voice making your stomach jump.

“choi su-bong. you can just call be su-bong.”

your eyes meet back with his,

“su-bong is a way better name than thanos.”

he laughs, heart beating against his ribs at the sound of you saying his name.

his next album might just be his best.

[froggerland]

For the cold boys ask please tell me how you feel about Ned Little ❤️❤️❤️ Thank You!

THANK YOU FOR ASKING!!!

I am so normal about him you can't imagine how normal I am about that man.

Anyways:

First Impression: I think almost everyone has the same experience with this one: when you first watch the show you don't really register him for the first five episodes or so and then you either love him or are very much neutral about him. I vaguely remember the scene where he's standing next to Jopson looking like a kicked dog while Crozier yells at him and I think that's when I took note of him like "ohh poor boy let me give you a hug :(" I really fell for him in the second half of the season (first mainly bc hes pretty. Im a simple woman sometimes and im not afraid to admit it) and I cannot stress this enough how much the last scene where Crozier finds him half frozen with the chains on his face has altered my brain chemistry. That was the fr the point where I was like "okay so I'll never be normal again EVER huh"

Impression Now: I love him. I love him so so much on so many layers. For one I need him biblically bc I believe I can fix his ass and his sad energy and big cow eyes have bewitched me body and soul. Matthew McNulty was born to sport mutton chops and look increasingly disheveled while on a death march in the canadian arctic. But I can't put into words how much I relate to him. I am him, he is me. Genuinely if I was put on that stupid expedition in his place I would've made all the same (bad) decisions. I can literally name two other characters in media I relate to and those are Kat from Euphoria (only the first season version and I think if I watched the show now I would throw her off this list) and Connel from Normal People (him just,, big time). They just don't make characters that messy, pathetic and sad very often!! Or I'm not watching enough tv to find them but when I saw Ned throughout the season I was like "wow I relate to him so much and idk what that says about me". I feel like I went on a tangent there but I love him he is such a dear. He tried so so hard to do right and keep things under control bc he hates chaos but he was just so overwhelmed and had to deal with Croziers shit for way too long (I'm trying to sound smart rn bc people have very nuanced but sometimes also kinda weird takes on his character. Believe me I see him as more than sad wet puppy man but I don't have the words in the english language to express that)

Favorite Moment: Any scene he's in ever? Duh?? No but if I had to pick one I'd say the dundy intervention when he finally tries to put a foot down to rescue Crozier but they all just dismiss him. The way his eyes water. I. Mmh. I think I'm obligated to name his last scene as well bc that one makes me cry everytime even if I just see a gif of it, it's just so haunting and so so sad

Idea For A Story: Oh. Uhmmmmm. I'm really not a writer so I can't come up with anything cool on top of my head except let Ned be happy and comfy and warm. Tuck him into bed and give him soup. That's all

Unpopular Opinion: I can't really tell what's an unpopular opinion bc I've seen basically every take ever on him from "he is a pushover how did he even get his job" to "he's actually a meanie with big time anger issues" so. Maybe that I think he would've been a good lieutenant with a different captain on a more chill cruise. He'd do very well keeping order and the respect of the crew if he didn't have to be the doormat and errands boy for his alcoholic captain while starving in the arctic. I'd dare say 99.9% of life on a ship was more chill than the franklin expedition so maybe he wasn't the best lieutenant ever but he would've done a good job if the stakes weren't THAT high

Favorite Relationship: Started as a Joplittle stan, became a Sojoplittle truther and now my favorite is Solittle. I love my two dog boys, I love how they parallel each other (they were narrative foils your honor). But honestly anything goes, everyone deserves a bite out of nedward <3

Favorite Headcanon: That animals love him. Saw that on my feed a few days ago and yeah, agreed. He's definitely a cat person and they just flock towards him (extended hc that jirv loves animals so so much but they just hate him for some reason. So when the ships cat sneaks in during meetings jirv tries to get her to come towards him but the cat's like "ew no church boy" and jumps into Ned's lap who pets her but also prays he won't get yelled at by Crozier for this)

[computercreature]

CALLUM CROWN?

STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING CALLUM CROWN GOD DAMN FOOL PHONE HEAD BUILDING DUST EATING RAT OLD BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIOT ARCHITECT OF THE DIALUP BIGGEST CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN PRESIDENT MOTHERFUCKING CALLUM CROWN. STOP PINNING ME WHEN I TALK ABOUT CALLUM CROWN I HATE HIM SO MUCH WHY DOES HE HAVE SO MUCH FUCKED UP CONTROL OVER REALITY WHY DID HE DECIDE TO FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT JUST SET IT LOOSE IS HE DEAD IS HE A BASTARD MAN HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM NEVER SEEN THIS MANS PHONE FACE AND I KNOW HE HAS THE WORLDS SHITTIEST DIAL GET AWAY FROM ME.

if i wanted to get into heaven and god said callum crowns waiting inside i would piss on gods feet for the sole purpose of getting sent back down. if i have to deal with callum crown speaking one word in person on screen in game not only will i close the tab i will delete my file out of spite and have to replay the entire game again for the experience of being able to skip all the times when he is mentioned or alive. i dont even know why i hate him so much. he does coke but i am just mad because i am ANGY. he better have some fucked up backstory to explain this if hes just some politician shithead whos a fan of objecthead ocs and wanted the irl version ill go ham. BETTER have had a homophobia make him kill a man cuz if he didnt Im going to make him.

paypal.com/IFuckingHateCallumCrown

dlc's not even about him. vaguely mentioned what is supposed to maybe be his polycule and I lost it. where the fuck is callum crown if hes still alive im going to so deeply wish he wasnt. crusty old man. ill punch crown and his sad frail old man twig bones will simply flake apart under my epic huge meat fist and he will disintegrate until all thats left is one final prerecorded speech he kept on him at all times simply titled Now You Fucked Up in ancient transatlantic accent. im not breathing im hyperventilating at this point. i hope theres a date given for when callum's brain yassed or will yas so i can make it a reminder on my phone, and everyday once a year i will see it and do anything but pay respects to the man who had so many fucked up if true backstory cutscenes

[nekole-doodles]

Nothing can describe the amount of struggle I'm going through trying to figure out my interpretation of C! TNT Duo because it is so mixed and contradicted, I hate everything agdkwndujd As someone who is used to getting obsessed with... *healthier/lighter ships* it's kinda difficult for me to accurately interpret how they'd genuinely be like if C! TNT Duo /r was actually a thing. The main thing that's pretty solid to me though is how they at least could maybe kinda understand each other if they just took a moment to chill. Realistically, they wouldn't be able to be civil long enough for them to work something out and realize they are both so broken that they can maybe actually just be themselves without having to worry too much about "trying to be a better person" when they know they really are not one and having to worry about getting judged for their morals because they know that the other knows they are pretty fucked up and they wouldn't have to worry about hiding it. They wouldn't have to stress about having to be a better person that they are not, HOWEVER, I feel like they are too prideful to really... Just chill or talk or not constantly try to one-up the other :/ But at the same time, I just want them to work something out. 'Cause like- their psychocompetitive rivalry and sexual tension is funny and all but they need to seek help(which they likely won't get and will ignore internal problems until they literally die). AND YES, MAYBE I DO ENJOY A MORE SUGAR-COATED VERSION OF TNTDUO, SO WHAT? Yeah it's unrealistic and could never happen, but frankly, I don't care, let me have this one thing while I try to figure out the clusterfuck that is C! TNT Duo's dynamic. Previously, I considered A Hundred Red Flags Too Late My Dear to be a pretty solid interpretation and while I still like how they portray TNT Duo, when taking into oconsideration how the two really act(especially C! Q in his most recent finale), I started considering The House Always Wins's portrayal(in the first third of the story), but right now, I'm thinking about taking It's Golden Hour Somewhere(from the Exquisite Agony series) into account because it isn't that sugar coated(even if it's more of a What-If Canon Divergence of things that likely wouldn't happen that alters their dynamic like 100 Red Flags) and considers C! TNT Duo's canon interactions. Anyway blah blah blah my mind is a mess of TNT Duo, what else is new? Hahaha I have homework to do and sleep to participate in but these stupid weird rival things occupy my brain and won't leave(not that I want them too but please, let me be productive and healthy) This is like figuring out SBI's family interworkings(like origin, relations, current state of relationships, etc) or Crimeboys's everything but 10x worse!

[starcanwrecked-confessions]

wiggly fills me with such indescribable rage and it's not in the "i need him" way it's in the "i hate him" way. he's my jurgen leitner. he's so fucking ugly i want to blow his brains out. i want to make those "20 ways to kill [PLUSHIE]" videos with him. i hope it hurts. i want to saw off his tentacles and throw them in a ditch somewhere because not even dogs deserve that slimy slimy meat. i want to summon him just so i could beat the everloving shit out of his green tinfoil ass. he's the lil cal of the hatchetfield universe. he sucks SO MUCH. wiggly was wrong about webby HE'S the stupid bitch. one time i took a "what's your patron lord" quiz and i got wiggly and i fucking hate that do you know how much i hate that thing. he talks exclusively in uwuspeak. hes so fucking ugly dude i dont get it i hate him i hate him so fucking much. vox.com/wiggly-is-a-fuckboy. if i died and i saw wiggly there in the afterlife i will kill myself again just so i don't have to deal with that green tinfoil pants sneakers self proclaimed king bitch. i hope he dies in canon that day will be the best day in my life. that thing fills me with so much wrath. i want to somehow chart down uncle wiley's toys and burn it down so i can never see that doll or his stupid jingle again. webby better.

~~~

[brummiereader]

@mischievouslittlecreature urgh Mosley, been waiting for him to make his dreaded appearance 😬.

Incredible chapter Lily! I'm so relieved to see Lucy finally put her foot down when it comes to Lizzie. It needed to be said, but I can't see things lasting very long when it comes to her yo-yo behaviour 😤.

“Have Isiah keep an eye on him. They’re friends, and he’ll make sure he doesn’t do anything too stupid.” 👀, this feels like Michael all over again in The Shadow Of The Abattoir when Lucy's gut was telling her something was off. I know this is only a passing comment, but I've got a feeling this will pop up again in later parts.

I’m part of you forever, now, his and Luca’s voices, mingled into one, whispered inside her head where they now lived. This Is so haunting, because when you really think about it, Luca got it kinda easy. He's dead, but Lucy has to live on with the pain and reminder of what he did. And what's even worse is, she has to physically endure every day the damage his torture did to her body. It must feel like she's being cut over and over again. It's horrible 😭. I'm glad Tommy was there to relieve some of that pain and tension for her. If may forget to look after herself, but Tommy certainly won't ❤️.

As much as I hate the man, your description of him when Lucy is sat watching him and when he introduces himself after, was just perfect 👌🏼. I could literally see him in front of me... unfortunately 😂.

Lucy swore that for a second their eyes met, before she hastily looked away from him and back to Tommy. This gave me shivers 👀. I swear my brain conjured up this exact moment as I read it, and it's was so fucking creepy.

“How did I do?” he asked, once he found her standing at the usual spot where she always waited for him. I couldn't not mention this little line, it was so cute how he quickly sought her out to ask how he did 🥰. Arghhh, I wana squish his cheeks 😂.

“Well, aren’t you a pretty little thing?” She felt Tommy tense beside her at Mosley’s words. Urghh he's gross. I nearly forgot that Tommy and Lucy are keeping their relationship secret, and that's why Tommy didn't react to this. But part of me now thinks that Mosley is onto them already and he did this on purpose. I wouldn't put it past him 😬.

Does that mean I get to play with him now?- ”Tommy chuckled, raising the lighter to his own cigarette before closing it with a click. “Easy, girl. I gave him until Monday to get us the full amount.” 🤣, I loved this whole exchange! I adore their playful flirty exchanges and how they're always under the guise of murdering or "dealing" with some one 🤭.

Loved the office quickie 🔥👌🏼. Possessed Tommy telling her to be silent when he can barely hold it together is everything!

A huge round of applause for Lucy 👏🏼! Lizzie deserved those hard truths, and she deserved to finally hear how incredibly selfish SHE has been. Lucy and Tommy have been nothing but accomodating towards her, and she's thrown tantrum after tantrum, demanding more.

I think the thing that continues to irritate me the most is, how she thinks Tommy and her relationship should he held to the same standards of a loving marriage when there's is a bloody contract 😬! She has all these demands that a wife should rightfully have, but she forgets that Tommy is only her husband by law. Gahhhh 😤.

You sap up all his love for yourself and leave nothing for the rest of us! You don’t care that him spending time with you means he’s not here with his family! Those children. 👀!! Yep, she's using the children again to place guilt on Lucy. This is such a low blow and she knows it, because if Lucy didn't exist and wasn't a part of Tommy's life, we all know he still wouldn't be giving her the love she thinks she's owed.

Lizzie continued to just stare at her with a look of both extreme sorrow and loathing, and then she picked up Ruby’s suitcase and shouldered past her without another word. Let her go 😌. I think they all need a long break from each other anyway.

Fantastic chapter! I'm so eager to see how things will play out with both Lizzie and Mosley 😬!

Part 26: Do You Love Me

Summary: Tommy and Lucy meet a man dangerous enough to frighten them both, and Lizzie reaches a breaking point.

Word Count: 6,543

Warnings: Smut, polyamory, chronic pain, references to violence, past torture, and past sexual assault.

Previous Chapter • Series • Fic • Next Chapter

Chapter 2: Selfish

“Lizzie is going to be mad about that for a good long while,” Lucy commented, one hand stuffed into her trousers pocket while the other flicked ash from her cigarette down onto the cobblestones. Her eyes swiveled around, taking in the ash, flames, and glowing embers being emitted into the air by the nearby factories. All around them was the bustle of men and women going about their business, children with dirtied faces and knees marked up with scrapes and soot racing through the streets together. She dropped a few shillings into the cup of a young girl who wandered past them. 

The train station that they were headed to wasn’t particularly far, and it was good for the people to see Tommy out amongst them, walking to work and taking the train like any other ordinary working man. So when they could, they made the trek to the train on foot. 

She didn’t mind. It was nice to get out into the familiar smoky air, settled like a black cloud over most of Birmingham. Despite everything, it still felt like it was where she most belonged. In the dirt and flames of hell. 

Though it did mean that they had to keep a professional distance from each other. No hand holding or letting their sides brush and bump. They couldn’t risk looking suspiciously close. Not even in Tommy’s own kingdom of Small Heath.

“Yeah,” Tommy sighed heavily. “But what else is fucking new?”

She cast him a regretful look. “I’m sorry.”

“What? Why? You didn’t even do anything.”

“It always feels like I’m the root cause of most of her anger towards you.”

“No; you’re not.” She felt him casting her a worried look. “It’s not your fault.”

She didn’t tell him that she didn’t believe that. It would only upset him. And he didn’t need to be worrying about her feelings on top of everything else already on his plate.  

“She’s mad because you tell me things that you don’t tell her.”

“Which isn’t fucking new. That’s always how things have been. If she’s only realizing that now…”

“I think she’s more upset about it being thrown in her face than anything else.”

He shook his head, teeth grinding together. “I’m going to cuff Finn the next time I see him. Jesus Christ.”

“Arthur’s right about him needing educating. The kid can’t keep his mouth shut to save his life.” As she spoke, she rolled her right shoulder back and forth, trying to ease the twinge that had settled in it. Tommy huffed. 

“Yeah. I’ll put him in charge of running the football betting at the shop. Give him something productive to do.”

“Have Isiah keep an eye on him. They’re friends, and he’ll make sure he doesn’t do anything too stupid.”

Tommy nodded. They caught the train just before it left the station, slipping into an empty compartment and closing the door, drawing down the blind that covered the window on the door, hiding them from any curious eyes that may have tried to peek in from the narrow hallway.

“May called earlier. She said that she was at a party that a couple other MPs were attending recently. One of them was asking about you,” Lucy settled into her seat, the train whistling shrilly before starting to move, steadily picking up speed as it pulled out from the station. 

“Oh?”

“Oswald Mosley. He’s the MP for Smethwick. Also the Minister of the Duchy of Lancaster,” she fiddled with her rings, twisting them anxiously around her fingers. “May had…a lot of bad things to say about him.” Another throb of pain rocketed from the bottom of her shoulder blades up to the base of her neck, and she had to fight back a flinch. Fucking Luca. Dead and long gone, and yet still haunting her through the aches and pains that the torture he had put through had left. 

Just like Matthew, her former fiancé and the man who instigated the gang rape that left her nearly dead and fleeing to Small Heath to escape marrying him. He too lingered with her still–despite his deceased status–through the scars he and his friends had left all over her body.

I’m part of you forever, now, his and Luca’s voices, mingled into one, whispered inside her head where they now lived. 

“Lucy?” Tommy’s voice pulled her from her thoughts, his hand lightly touching her arm. She jumped a little, jerking back to life, eyes wide when they met his. “You alright?”

“Y-yeah. Sorry. Just thinking. What did you say?”

His eyes narrowed a fraction, and she was pretty sure that he sensed the slight waver in her voice that she attempted to cover up. But he must have decided not to comment on it if he did. 

“What does Mosley want with me?” He instead repeated patiently. 

“He didn’t exactly say. But May said that he was asking an awful lot about your moral standings on things. She thought that he might’ve been trying to feel out if you would be amiable to joining the new party he’s rumored to be building.”

“The fascists, you mean?”

“Yeah.” They had been sprouting up everywhere it seemed, lately. Germany. Italy. Even in England. It was spooky. “I could do some more research into him, if you think that it would be worth it.”

Tommy considered for a moment, blue eyes glancing out the window to observe the countryside they were whizzing by. “Yes, you do that. He’s gathering information about me, it would only be fair to return the favor.”

She nodded, a hand unconsciously going up to grasp at her still aching shoulder, trying to rub away some of the pain. But she never could seem to get the right angle…

“Are your shoulders bothering you?”

She looked up to find Tommy still watching her, observant eyes zoned in on where her fingers were subtly kneading. With a sigh, she dropped her hand, rolling the aching bone and muscle back and forth with a wince. There was no use trying to lie to him. 

“A little.” 

His head cocked, pushing up with his hands off the seat he was slumped in across from her to instead settle in the space next to her. “Here.”

“Tommy…!” she immediately started to protest, eyes going panickedly to the blinds covering the window of the door leading into their compartment. 

“Don’t worry. No one will see with the blinds closed. And we’re just passing country right now,” he nodded towards the window, which sure enough was only displaying green fields and farmland. “Let me help. If you don’t do anything for them, they’ll be killing you by this evening.”

Spoken from true experience. He’d seen her when the pain got really bad, leaving her unable to sleep or do anything other than cry and writhe, as if trying to get away from the pains wracking through nearly her entire upper back. 

Slumping in defeat, she nodded, turning to angle herself with her back facing him. His large hands found her shoulders, so big they nearly swallowed the entire expanse of each one in his palms–or maybe she was just that tiny. A small sigh of relief left her lips when he began rubbing gentle but firm circles into her skin, just like how the doctor had instructed him to when explaining ways to help reduce her pain. Slowly, he started to urge the tensed up muscles to relax enough to give her some relief. 

“Did you not do your stretches yesterday?” he asked. Lucy shook her head. 

“Forgot.”

She was supposed to do them everyday, to avoid things like this happening so frequently. But in all the chaos yesterday, they’d completely slipped her mind. And sleeping on the hard earth with nothing but Tommy to use as a pillow probably hadn’t helped things.  

“Hm. Sorry; I should’ve reminded you.”

“Not your fault.”

He pressed his fingers a little harder into her skin. “How’s that feeling?”

“Better.”

He hummed, pressing a kiss to her temple. “Just try to relax.”

“Pot meet kettle.”

“You want me to stop?”

“...No.”

He chuckled, the first real laugh she’d heard from him since before yesterday, and rested his cheek against her hair while his hands continued to work. Lucy allowed herself to melt a little under his touch, for a moment not worrying about them getting caught together, or about Lizzie, or Michael, or the company. She was able to just rest. Even if only for a moment. All the while Tommy gently rubbed the pain from her body.

∗ ∗ ∗  

She so did love to watch Tommy speak in the house. 

He stood there, amidst the smoke emitting from cigarettes and pipes, glasses perched on his nose, notes held in his hand, his voice ringing out, deep and rumbling. Pretty, eloquent words. He had them all in the palm of his hand and he knew it, the men seated in the benches around him, and those in the observation area with her all clinging to his every word. And when he was finished, those on his side of the room cheered and rapped their hands approvingly against the wood of their benches, the entire room thundering with the sound. 

Lucy couldn’t help but think that the room looked like a theater. 

Who were they performing for? Themselves? Each other? The people in the observation booths? All of them at once? It was hard to say. 

She spotted him seated to Tommy’s right–her left. In the row below Tommy’s, the third man in from the aisle. His dark hair was slicked back, the mustache that decorated his upper lip meticulously groomed. One side of his lips pulled up at something Tommy said, his eyes gleaming. Lucy felt a shiver go down her spine. Humor may have been what was intended to cross his face, but those eyes of his were dead. No emotion to be found in them at all. They remained focused straight ahead as Tommy spoke, except for one specific, notable moment, when they flickered towards the observational benches where she, along with some secretaries, journalists, and other observers, sat to watch the men speak. Lucy swore that for a second their eyes met, before she hastily looked away from him and back to Tommy. Her skin crawled, the fine, fair hairs on the back of her arms standing up straight. Her very insides seemed to recoil, every instinct within her screaming to get up and run as far away from that man as she could possibly get. 

She kept her eyes glued firmly at Tommy for the reminder of the time spent in the house, despite originally going there specifically to observe Mosley.

She felt that she’d gotten all the information that she needed to about what kind of person he was from just that quick glance alone. 

Soon as they were done, she stood, gathering up her notes, tucking them securely in the crook of her arm and making for the exit where she would meet Tommy out in the hall. 

“How did I do?” he asked, once he found her standing at the usual spot where she always waited for him. Lucy caught herself wishing desperately that she could have pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Splendid as always, love.”

He looked away, lips twitching up slightly, clearing his throat bashfully. “Come on.”

Lucy smiled a little to herself at the reaction, falling into step beside him, heading in the direction of their office.  

“Did you get what you needed?” he asked, as they walked.

“Sort of.”

His brow raised. “Sort of?” he quoted back to her.

“I don’t like looking at him,” she explained in a lowered voice. “He makes my skin crawl.”

“Mm.” Tommy hummed in agreement. 

“Lord Suckerby’s secretary said you’re welcome to come by anytime between now and the end of the day to see him,” she told him just as they were interrupted by a voice calling his name from one of the open doors they passed.

They stopped, turned, and were met face to face with Oswald Mosley, a barbed smile sliding into place across his features as those empty eyes bored into Tommy. Lucy’s skin roiled in response to his posh, clipped voice when he spoke, introducing himself and holding out a hand for Tommy to shake. His sly smile never once ceased, eyes never leaving Tommy’s as he took his hand and shook it firmly. 

“Let me just say, you’ve come to my attention,” the words were spoken in a croon, with the smallest of head tilts. Lucy couldn’t fully decide if the intended effect was supposed to be predatory, or seductive. 

Before Tommy could reply. Mosley’s eyes had snapped, sharp and quick, like a snake striking, to fix on Lucy. She had to fight back the urge to hide behind her lover’s back. The expression on Mosley’s face turned wolfish. 

“Well, aren’t you a pretty little thing?” She felt Tommy tense beside her at Mosley’s words. “Oswald Mosley,” he extended his hand towards her. Lucy felt ill at the thought of touching him, but forced herself to reach out and take his hand. It was cold as ice and dry as a bone.

“Lucy Winters,” she introduced herself, shaking Mosley’s hand once before letting it go, pushing away the urge to wipe her palm on her trousers. “I’m Mr. Shelby’s assistant.” 

Mosley’s eyes darted between them, one eyebrow quirking upwards, a smirk settling on his lips. “Hm. Lucky you, Mr. Shelby.” 

“If you’ll excuse us, Mr. Mosley, we have to get going.”

“Yes, yes, of course. But if you aren’t too busy, I would love the opportunity to speak with you more. Perhaps over drinks?”

Tommy considered. “You can call my office,” was all he ultimately said, hastily turning on his heel and starting down the hall again. Lucy hurried after him, not wanting to be left alone with Mosley. 

“You’re really going to meet with him?” she asked, once they were far enough away to be out of ear shot. 

“Just to hear what he has to say.” He looked over at her. “Don’t worry, I’m not sympathetic to his cause. But keep your enemies closer, eh?”

“Yeah.” She looked over her shoulder, half expecting Mosley to appear spontaneously behind them. “He scares me a little, Tommy.” Her voice was a rough whisper, half ashamed at the omission. 

“Me too.”

That got her attention, and when she looked at Tommy, she noticed something almost unsteady under the guarded armor he kept carefully in place across his eyes. Fear squeezed at her throat. 

A man who was bad enough to make Tommy so frightened was something she hadn’t even thought existed.

“You head on back to the office,” he said, changing the subject with a small clearing of his throat. “I think I’ll go see Lord Suckerby now.”

“You don’t want me to come with you?” He shook his head. “I think it’ll make a stronger impression if I go see him alone.”

“You think he’ll give you any trouble?”

“Maybe. Depends on how hard he was hit by the crash.”

She frowned. She hadn’t really thought about that. Though she probably should have. “Everyone was hit by the crash.”

“Yeah.”

“If Suckerby can’t pay us…”

“He will. I’m not giving him any other choice.”

She pressed her lips together in a small smile. “I’d like first crack at him, if it comes to it.”

Tommy shot her an amused look. “Oh, is that so?”

“After seeing those photos that he wanted us to get for him, there are a couple of things I’d very much like to do to him.”

During the train ride to London she had flipped through the small package of photographs, letters, and cheques that Isiah had handed off to her while they were in Birmingham. Everything he and Aberama had collected from the man they killed in Chinatown who had been using the contents of that package to blackmail Suckerby. Her stomach had roiled at the contents of some of them, bile rising.

Lord Suckerby was one disgusting man. Maybe after he paid them, an unfortunate accident could befall him. Like falling out a window or getting run over by a bus.  

Based on the thunderous, repulsed look that had crossed Tommy’s features when she showed him the photographs, Lucy thought he may very well be open to the idea. The envelope was now stashed safely in the inner pocket of her suit jacket, snug against her side. It would remain there until Suckerby paid what he owed them for their services.

“Alright,” Tommy said, eyes still dancing with fond, quiet mirth. “He doesn’t corporate, he’s all yours.”

She beamed, only just managing to restrain herself from throwing her arms around his neck, stretching up on toes, and planting a firm kiss to his temple that would have left his fair skin stained with red smudges from her lipstick. “Thank you, Tommy,” she said instead, adding what she hoped came across as a playful, affectionate lilt to her voice. He glanced over at her, one edge of his lips nudging upwards, eyes softening. 

They came to a hallway splitting off into two separate directions. This was where they parted ways. Her, turning left to head to their office, him, heading right, towards where Lord Suckerby’s offices were located. 

“I’ll see you soon?”

He nodded. “This won’t take long.”

“I’ll phone his office when I get in and let them know you’re coming. So they’ll be expecting you.”

“Right.”

“And then you have a few more meetings this afternoon.”

“Mm.” He lowered his voice. “I thought that we’d stay at the apartment for the night, rather than go back to Arrow House.”

“That probably would be a good idea. It’d give Lizzie some time to cool down.”

“Exactly.” 

She nodded, moving to head in the direction leading to their office. “Good luck.”

“Thanks.”

She walked backwards a few paces, fondly watching his broad back disappear around the corner before turning and making her way the rest of the short walk back to the little corner of Parliament that they presided over. 

∗ ∗ ∗

She had not been back in the office long when Tommy returned, heavy footed steps booming against the floor and swiping his fringe from his eyes. 

“How did it go?” Lucy asked, looking up from her desk.

“By the time I left the room, he was screaming my name,” he thumbed a cigarette from his silver case. Lucy raised an eyebrow.

“Is that a euphemism?”

Tommy snorted, plucking out a second cigarette to hand to her. “He only had twenty thousand to give to us.”

“Really?” That wasn’t even half of the fifty thousand pounds they’d agreed upon. She placed her cigarette between her lips and leaned forward towards the flame of his lighter when he held it up for her. “Does that mean I get to play with him now?”

Tommy chuckled, raising the lighter to his own cigarette before closing it with a click. “Easy, girl. I gave him until Monday to get us the full amount.”  

She pouted a little, leaning back into her chair. “You’re going soft, Shelby.”  

“No,” Tommy’s eyes danced amusedly. He reached out, brushing his thumb down her cheek. It was a risky move, since anyone could walk through the door at any moment, but she didn’t pull her face away from the tender touch. “I just want my fifty thousand pounds.”

“Mm. Whatever you say, love.”

His thumb inched into dangerous territory, ghosting over her bottom lip. She aimed a playful nip at it, and he drew his hand back with a grin. 

“Cheeky mare.”

Lucy smiled at him, batting her eyelashes innocently in an ‘I’m-very-sure-I-don’t-know-what-you-mean’ kind of way. Though remnants of his smile lingered on his face and his eyes remained softened fondly, Tommy’s expression turned serious again.  

“Hey, make that research into Mosley top priority, yeah? I wanna be ready when I next see him.”

“Yes, boss.” She gave him a little two finger salute. The corner of his lips kicked up again.

“Thank you.” 

She watched him head through the double doors into his office, leaving them open behind him, a silent invitation for her to come keep him company if she wanted. Gathering up some of her papers, she rose from her chair to follow him. 

It was, after all, an invitation that she never passed up. 

∗ ∗ ∗  

It was dark by the time they started to pack up to leave for the day. Tommy had one final appointment, but Lucy figured she would get a head start on closing the office up while he spoke with the journalist from the London Times. She eyed Michael Levitt as Adam–Tommy’s other secretary at Westminster–led him into Tommy’s office, noting the nervous way that the journalist  kept fidgeting with his hat while he waited. A moment later, Adam came back out, casting an anxious look over his shoulder to where Levitt had taken a seat in front of Tommy’s desk. 

“Mr. Shelby said I was to go home,” he came over to her desk, keeping his voice lowered. She nodded.

“Then go home. I’ll take care of locking everything up.”

“Right.” 

She watched him gather up his things and head for the door, one ear focused on trying to overhear the mumbled voices of Tommy and Levitt. “See you tomorrow,” she told Adam.

“Goodnight,” he nodded. Soon as he was gone, she stood smoothly, snatching up the little journal perched on the corner of her desk and going to Tommy’s office. He had left the doors open, so she was able to slip in without so much as a sound, footsteps muffled against the rugs lining the floor. 

Levitt was visibly sweating, stuttering over his words. Lucy raised an eyebrow, going to where Tommy’s coat was hung up to his right behind his desk. She slipped the journal into the pocket, giving it a tap twice, watching out of the corner of her eye how Tommy’s gaze followed her. He gave a barely indiscernible nod in acknowledgement, and she spun on her heel and left the room, letting her eyes meet the timid Levitt’s for a second before turning her head away. 

She flitted around her and Adam’s office, putting things away and locking them up for safe keeping, even doing some tidying. The whole time, she listened closely to the words being murmured between Tommy and the journalist. At one point, not long before Levitt rushed from the room, she heard Tommy quoting directly from some of the notes she had written in the little journal during her time spent researching Levitt and his activities. 

Soon as he was gone, she locked the door behind him and went back to Tommy’s office. 

“I take it that could have gone better?” she moved to stand on his side of the desk, arms folded over her chest and back leaning against the hard wooden edge. Her head cocked as she watched him rub at his eyes. 

“He was asking about Campbell and Polly.”

“I heard. You want him to be taken care of?”

Tommy wetted his lips, considering. “Yes,” he decided. “Last thing we need is a reporter sniffing around.”

“Yeah. He doesn’t seem like the type that we could just pay off. I’ll have some of our boys handle it at his apartment in Maida Vale. Quick and clean.” 

“Have them do it with enough flourish that it’ll make other journalists nervous. To dissuade anyone else from trying anything for a while.”

“But not easily linked to us, right?”

“Right. And let’s just keep it between you and me. Last thing I need is more temper tantrums over my not sharing information.”

“Okay.”

Tommy leaned back in his chair, reaching out to smooth his hand up and down her thigh. “Thank you.”

“Of course.”

His arms looped around her, and she laughed quietly when he pulled her closer, his head tipping back to stare up at her, blue eyes wide and mischievous. 

“Adam went home?”

“Yes.”

“Hm…so it’s just us, then?”

Her fingers smoothed through his dark hair, fighting back a smirk. “Yes, it’s just us.”

With a purring sound from low in the back of his throat, he took hold of her hips and pulled her closer. 

“Tommy!” She laughed as he maneuvered her into his lap, as if this was not something they had done dozens of times before. As if she had not let him fuck her on top of his big desk the very first day they spent in the new office, her face burying in his shoulder with her teeth sinking into the thick fabric of his suit jacket to try to keep herself quiet while his cock pounded into her. 

He pushed open her suit jacket, popping free the first two buttons on her shirt and dipping his head to press his lips to the newly exposed skin. Wriggling in his lap, Lucy hissed at the feeling of his cock already hardening in his trousers, the material bulging against her. 

Tangling her hands in his hair, she tipped his head back enough to kiss him, moaning softly as his hands smoothed up her thighs, urging her to rock against him and fumbling with her belt. It was late, most people working in the building would have already gone home for the evening. But they still needed to be quiet. 

“Mm, did you lock the door?” Tommy asked in a low, rough murmur that went straight to her cunt, walls fluttering around nothing. The things he could do to her with just his voice alone were downright sinful. 

“Yes.”

He made a noise of approval that turned her legs to jelly. “Good,” he lifted her from his lap for a microsecond to slip her loosened trousers and knickers down, hand burning hot where it slid up her exposed thigh. “Always such a good girl for me.”

“A-ah…” her head lolled back, eyes rolling both at the praise and the first brush of his thick fingers across her entrance, circling lazily around her clit. 

“Gotta keep quiet, now,” he continued to mumble in her ear, breath warm where it fanned against her cheek. “Can you do that for me?”

She nodded vigorously. That was all she wanted; to be good for him. To make him happy. 

Turning his head, Tommy pressed a kiss to her temple and gingerly slipped one finger into her while his thumb occupied itself with rolling over her clit. He kept his movements careful and slow until he got her more warmed up, waiting until slickness coated his hand generously before adding a second finger and increasing the pace of his pumps. 

“There you go,” he hummed when he felt her start to flutter around him. “There you go, that’s a good girl…”

“Tom…” she whimpered, biting her lip to try to keep herself quiet, not wanting to disappoint him by letting any sounds slip out to be heard beyond this room.

“I know,” he soothed. “That’s my girl. Bite down on my shoulder if you need to.”

She did just that, nosing the material of his clothing aside to taste his bare skin between her lips. Tommy groaned, low and quiet but impossibly deep, at the first sting of her teeth against him. Her walls tightened, moments away from bursting. His fingers curled within her, pressing right into the spot that made her see stars.  

“Let go,” he ordered in a sweet whisper aimed directly into her ear, and she bit down hard to try to hinder what would have been an incredibly loud moan as her orgasm wrecked through her like a firecracker, bright lights exploding behind her eyes, entire body shuddering with it, pressing close to him instinctively.  

Tommy guided her through it, slowly coaxing her down from her high until she slumped against him.

“Good. Very good, sweetheart.”

She made a happy little noise at the praise, snuggling closer to his neck, nuzzling at the bitemark she’d left on him. Tommy stroked the back of her head, kissing her hair. Sneakily, she snaked a hand down between their bodies to palm the bulge in his trousers, and it was his turn to try to stifle his noises of pleasure, teeth locking down tight around the groan rising from his throat. 

Arms wrapping around her, he lifted her seemingly effortlessly off of his lap, setting her down on the edge of his desk while he stood, hands dropping down to fumble with his trousers. Lucy felt her mouth water at the sight of his long, impossibly thick erection bobbing against his stomach after being released from its confines. Tommy gave himself a few good, languid strokes, jaw dropping open as his eyelashes fluttered, face inches from hers. Lucy spread her legs wider, encouraging him in between them. Her hands grabbed at handfuls of his suit jacket while he lined himself up, sliding in with one deep thrust. 

“Oh,” Tommy rested his cheek against hers, hands flexing where they landed on her hip and thigh. 

“Quiet, remember?” she teased slightly, trailing her fingertips through his hair. He shivered, letting out a breathless chuckle followed by a kiss to her cheek. Burying his face in her neck, hands bracing on her body, he started to move. She could tell that he was trying to start out slow and give her time to adjust to his considerable size, but all it took was her purposefully squeezing around his cock and wrapping her legs around his waist, and his efforts went up in smoke. 

He bucked into her like a man possessed, low grunts muffled against her throat, a few trinkets rattling on the desk from the force of his thrusts. Lucy tucked her face back in against his shoulder, biting down hard on her bottom lip to try to contain her whimpers and moans as his swollen tip rubbed right up against her g-spot with each roll of his hips. 

“Shit. Squeezing me so tight, love,” Tommy rasped out, hand slipping between their bodies to rub at her clit. “Give me another one, yeah? I know you can, sweetheart.”

“Mm…” Her back arched, pressing her clothed breasts into his chest. Her legs tightened around him, and her jaw clenched with the effort it was taking for her not to let the volume of her noises get too high. His cock twitched and throbbed inside her, in the way that she knew meant his orgasm was imminent. The pleasure built like steam rising in a kettle, tension mounting until she felt moments away from bursting. Her walls spasmed uncontrollably around him, as if wanting to keep him locked in place within her for all eternity. Tommy hitched her thigh up a little higher on his hip, allowing his cock to get just that much deeper into her, and applied more pressure to her clit with his thumb. 

She came at the same moment that she managed to grab his face and bring his mouth crashing down onto hers, each of them swallowing what would have been massive moans as they both came fantastically. Her walls clamped down around him, insides fluttering with the force with which she came. Tommy’s chest vibrated under her palms with his growl as he finished, grinding his tip in as deep as he could go while spurting jets of seed into her. 

Lucy released a blissful sigh, closing her eyes and riding out the waves of her climax while basking in the feeling of him spilling his load into her. 

Tommy slumped forwards against her, face nestling in the crook of her shoulder, lips pressing to her neck delicately whilst he relaxed. His arms wound around her in a warm embrace, a quiet purr leaving his chest when she stroked the back of his head. 

“We should go,” Lucy finally broke the silence that had stretched on between them. Tommy nodded, shifting to carefully pull out of her, tucking himself back into his trousers and straightening out his clothes. He plucked a handkerchief from his pocket for her to use to clean the mix of their releases from her thighs, then let her hold onto his shoulders when she hopped off the edge of the desk and regained her balance. 

“Have you got everything locked up?” he asked as she pulled her slacks back up.

“Yeah, just gotta grab a few things from my desk to take with us.”

“Good. I wanna get out of here.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Tommy Shelby eager to leave work? Is there a special occasion I’m not aware of?”

He rolled his eyes, giving her hip a light pinch. “No occasion.” He swiped a few locks of hair off of her forehead and cradled the back of her neck, a smile tugging on the edges of his lips while his eyes looked her up and down. There was something heated in them that made her thighs squeeze together. “Except that I’m not even close to done with you yet.”

∗ ∗ ∗ 

“You know, Frances, if there were to be a snap election in this house today, I wouldn’t win it. Even if I were running against the devil himself,” Tommy remarked to their housekeeper once they’d gotten home. Frances shot him a sympathetic look. 

“I’d still vote for you,” Lucy offered. Tommy gave her a peck on the cheek.

“Thanks, love.”

He went off to go talk to Charlie where he was sulking in the stables while Lucy ventured upstairs, wandering through the winding hallways until she heard the hum of Lizzie and Ruby’s voices. Coming to a halt in the doorway of Ruby’s room, she watched them where they were seated together in the rocking chair by the window, Ruby in Lizzie’s lap, head resting on her mother’s chest while Lizzie read to her from a book. 

“Hi, Lucy!” Ruby said when she spotted her. Lucy smiled.

“Hey, kiddo.”

“Is Daddy with you?”

“He’s down at the stables.”

She let out an excited squeal, jumping off Lizzie’s lap and racing for the door.

“Ruby, what have I told you about running in the house!?” Lizzie shouted after her, but the little girl was already long gone. Lizzie rolled her eyes fondly, shaking her head and closing the book. As Lucy watched her stand to put it away on a shelf, she noticed Ruby’s suitcase laid out on the bed, half filled with clothes. 

“Going somewhere?”

Lizzie sighed, glancing over at the suitcase, then back at Lucy. “I’m taking Ruby to Arthur’s.”

Lucy stared at her. “Why?”

Lizzie’s lips pulled back from her teeth. “Because, I realized this afternoon that I’d rather swallow horse shit than sit down and eat dinner with you and him.” She began to zip up Ruby’s luggage. “I need to get away. From both of you. At least for a while.”

“You could have phoned and we would’ve stayed at the apartment in London like we did last night if you really don’t want us here this weekend.”

“I don’t know if it’s going to be for just one weekend.”

Lucy straightened. “What do you mean?”

Lizzie didn't reply. 

“You cannot be serious. Now, Lizzie? You want to toy around with the idea of splitting up with your husband now? Of all fucking times?”

“He made me look like an idiot at the family meeting!” Lizzie burst out, head lifting and tears in her eyes. “Everyone else knew about the bloody hit in Chinatown except for me! I am his wife! I should be informed of these things first! Especially before you!” The way that she spat out that last word, so full of hate and disgust, made Lucy flinch.  

“For fuck’s sake, Lizzie! There’s a lot of shit here that you are more than justified in being unhappy about, but this? Really? This is where you draw the line?” A humorless laugh left her lips. “I hate to break it to you, but him not telling you things is a normal occurrence. Ada didn’t know about what was happening in Chinatown either.” 

Lizzie looked away, irritably picking up a stuffed animal off of Ruby’s bed. Lucy took a deep breath, and when she spoke again her voice was much calmer. 

“This is not worth throwing a bloody temper tantrum over, Lizzie.”

“I’m tired of being disrespected,” she lifted her head. “I’m his wife, and he needs to start treating him as such.”

Lucy groaned, raising her palms to her face, fighting back the urge to scream into them. “Just once, could you knock it off with the attitude?”

“Easy for you to say, when you always get everything that you want–”

“Oh, do I, now?” Lucy rounded on her. “You think that this,” she gestured vaguely, “is what I want? To have to share him with a woman who openly hates me?”

“I don’t hate you–”

But Lucy talked right over her. “To have to live with the constant worry that you might push me out or he might change his mind and throw me out on the street? That it could happen like that,” she snapped her fingers. “And I could lose everything? Do you think that I wanted to live with that dangling over my head at all hours of the day, Lizzie?” She met the taller woman’s stormy eyes levelly. “We’re all getting a shit deal out of this, so stop feeling so fucking sorry for yourself, and make the best of it,” she moved to the door. 

“You are so fucking selfish, you know that!?” Lizzie shrieked after her, finally fully exploding. “You sap up all his love for yourself and leave nothing for the rest of us! You don’t care that him spending time with you means he’s not here with his family! Those children,” she pointed towards the window that looked out to the stables, “deserve a father who prioritizes them over running after his fucking mistress.”

“Don’t you dare try to use the kids–”

“Well, somebody in this household has to advocate for them!”

“Don’t act like you aren’t just using them as a way to try to get what you want.”

Lizzie’s lips slammed into a thin line. “I’m going. And I’m taking Ruby with me.”

“But not Charlie?” Lucy challenged. 

“If I thought that I could take him without Tommy tearing me apart over it, I would,” Lizzie’s voice had suddenly grown very quiet. “I’d take the two of them far away from you both and never look back.”

Lucy shook her head, exhausted. “He’s not that bad, Lizzie. Compared to what he could be? He’s not that bad at all. He doesn’t hit you. He loves those kids…” she could see from the expression of stone on Lizzie’s face that none of her words would be able to reach her, and yet she tried anyway. “He’s got so much to deal with right now. Please don’t make it worse for him.”

Lizzie continued to just stare at her with a look of both extreme sorrow and loathing, and then she picked up Ruby’s suitcase and shouldered past her without another word.

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[youareinlovetv]

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Me when I saw that snoozing tumblr live now works for 30 days instead of 7: 😀

Me when I saw that snoozing tumblr live no longer removes its icon from the bottom bar AND that there’s no way to make the little “NEW” pop up go away either: 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

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Ticklish